75 Lessons that MUST be learned in relationships

I GOT THIS FROM http://sincerelyanastasiamonet.blogspot.com BLOG

1.        If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2.         Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3.        If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man or woman’s character, leave them alone.

4.         Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5.         Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6.         Don't force an attraction.

7.         Slower is better.

8.        Never live your life for a man or woman before you find what makes you truly happy.

9.         If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

10.      Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order

11.     Don't settle.

12.      If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13.      If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that? The one who deserves you will have NO DOUBTS.

14.     Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

15.     Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

16.     The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17.     There's only one reason a man dumps you or doesn't call; he doesn't want you or didn't want to call. Don't make him lie because you need to hear an excuse.

18.     Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? And unprotected s*x.....WHOA.

19.      You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20.     Always put yourself and your happiness first. Unless you have kids - then THEY come first. They are smarter than you think - and they are watching your example.

21.     Always have your own set of friends separate from his/hers.

22.      Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

23.     Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

24.     Be honest and upfront.

25.     Know when to cut the cord; even if he doesn't. Don't be strung along.

26.     Don't fall for the "I'm confused" role. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on). HIS confusion should not be YOUR issue.

27.     If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28.     There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

29.     You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30.     Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.

31.     Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

32.     Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

33.     Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34.     Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.

35.     If you think he is cheating, he probably is.

36.      Actions speak louder than words. LISTEN. 

37.     Never let a man define who you are.

38.     Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39.     Never borrow someone else's man. It's not that you are so great that you could steal him away....the truth is that he's so cheap, anyone can have him. Check his ethics at the door....and your own.

40.     If he cheated WITH you, he'll cheat ON you. Don't believe you're "different."

41.      Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

42.     To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43.     Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.

44.     Love is a verb ... An ACTION verb.

45.     Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

46.     A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

47.     All men are NOT dogs.

48.     You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

49.     If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

50.     You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.

51.     You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

52.     You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

53.     Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

54.     NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55.     Never become your man's "therapist".

56.     When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.

57.     A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.

58.     Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.

59.     Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.

60.     Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure = him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61.     If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.

62.     Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

63.     Never move into his mother's house.

64.      Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.

65.     Never co-sign for a man.

66.     Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.

67.     Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

68.     Never let a man mess up your credit.

69.     When it's time to let go; let go.

70.     Good men should be treated like good men.

71.     Don't play games.

72.     You can't make a whore into a housewife - or husband.

73.     Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74.     Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

75.     Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

Thee "Happy Valentine's Day" Text

I don't know what's more annoying. Someone who isn't far at all wishing me a happy valentine's day or sending it through a text.

You have a phone, you can call, but you choose to text me? One reason why I CAN'T and will NOT deal with him & his wishy washy decisions. You say you want to make it work, but your actions say something else. I'm not even confused, because I know you're not serious.

I just need to face the music, and leave it be. I'm tired of giving people chances. No more being nice.

The least that could have been done was, to spend time together. Something I wasn't counting on. I rather deal with this transition with no contact/communication what so over. I'm not trying to relapse from something that's hurting me. Thinking about how it could be. But you give everyone else the time of day.

I want more & I refuse to settle...

Resentment

re·sent·ment

  [ri-zent-muhnt] 

–noun

the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark,person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.

Because you lied....

Note...

Old Post: The Breakup...It's Over Now

As some of you may recall, I WAS in a long distance relationship. Yes it's over. I ended it last month for many reasons. I still believe that LDR can work, but there's a low percentage in how successful LDR  are & those that actually last.

Do I regret it? Not at all. Things weren't going the way I wanted them to anymore. I don't settle for less. Why stick around and assume & hope things will change? I can't change an adult and their ways. So it was best for me to just end it. It wasn't easy at all. Because this was person I saw myself marrying & was with for 3yrs & some months (I don't care to be accurate). We had history!!! History that still till this day reminds me of him. It's like every little thing reminds me of him, music, relationship talk, certain colors etc. Just random things. It's like I can't escape him.

How did I know it was time to end it? I really didn't know. But I did know that things in the relationship began to change. I actually had to ask God to guide me and give me signs to show me if I should end it, and he did. I remember it so vividly. There were just little things that could have been avoided if he (Ex) did better on his part. I'm not saying I'm innocent, but I do feel like I did put in MORE effort (So typical of us women right?).

So the healing process I'm going through is VERY rollercoaster-ish. Some days are better than others. If anything I thank God for taking me out of the situation, even though the person I fell in love was my first love. I don't think guys realize the power that consist & make up a relationship. I say power in a sense of the love one person has over another. At times I think, why was I put in this situation to feel like I wasted 3yrs with someone that basically threw what we had away? Is it because I may not fall in love? Is it because God wanted to show me a different form of love? I don't know. But I do know that, through God I can do anything!

I also do believe I was spending too much time (even with the distance in my relationship) dealing with my relationship and not putting God first. He definitely doesn't like coming second, and I'm not afraid to share my faults, I was off task and put him to the side every now & then. So I do think he wanted me to end that relationship for multiple reasons. Having  God in your relationship makes things MUCH smoother. Don't believe me? Try it.

With life, there's so many things we have to deal with from a day-to-day basis. I don't know how those that don't have God in their lives pretend that they can do it on their own. All in all this healing process that I'm going through is much needed. I will NOT be jumping into a relationship anytime soon. I don't see how people can do that. It's just not healthy at all. I need my time to heal....

Old Post: Going To Bed Mad

12/15/2009

Have you ever been in a situation where you & your SO (significant other) got into an argument whether it’s in person, or over the phone? And 9/10 it usually doesn’t end on a good note? I’ve been there plenty of times.

I personally feel that it’s not a good idea to go to bed mad about ANYTHING. I use “romantic relationships” as the core of this post because a lot of us have this bad when it comes to this department.
I know there’s times where you may get into an argument with maybe a friend or someone and when you have said your last words & it’s all been let out you want to leave the situation alone. It’s best that you both talk it out, preferably in person. You’re probably thinking why does that make a difference? Well the tone of your voice over the phone could be interpreted the wrong way. Nonverbal cues (rolling of the eyes, looking the other way, hands in the pocket, body language) helps you interpret the msg that their trying to make & where they’re coming from.

Oh yea, let’s talk about interpretation. Ever got a text msg and thought someone had an attitude but they may not have had one but you “assumed” they did then conflict may have occurred? Even if they didn’t use exclamations or CAPS you truly felt they had an attitude. I myself try to avoid assuming things like this. If I can’t talk to the person about the situation face-to-face, I usually call them up: that’s make that my PLAN B.

--Getting back on track--

Okay so let me run this down with a few helpful tips with scenarios included:

Get into an argument with someone over the phone:
PLAN A-calm down, then call them & ask them to come over so you two can talk it out
*if it can’t happen*
PLAN B-calm down, then try discussing it over the phone.

Argument through text msg:
PLAN A-call the person up if you sense some tension in the text msg, and ask the person about whatever it is you’re confused about.
*if that can’t happen*
PLAN B-ask what the person meant, and when doing this ask one question at a time in each text. People tend to look over things when you’re asking multiple things at once so you would want to be as accurate and clear as possible.

Argument face-to-face:
Take a few minutes to get your thoughts together, then talk it out & make your valued points. Don’t BS and try to make the person even more upset, because you will be wasting not only their time but yours as well.

The feeling of going to bed mad is a nasty feeling at times. You never really go to bed “right away”. Why? Because you’re laying there thinking about what occurred today. Why the person said this or that. Or something about it is eating you up inside. I’m not saying that these techniques will always work or for every situation, but it’s worth trying and worth changing how you handle situations like this.

I can personally say I have changed my ways and outlook on this. I can actually say I rarely get into arguments with the individuals that I use to get into arguments with over & over again. And it’s made me a better person & relationships are much better. I like discussing serious things face-to-face. I can better express how I feel about things that way. Also, don’t get the meaning of arguments and disagreements mixed up. They’re completely different.

So if you’re in a relationship try not to let arguments tarnish your relationship. Yes, it’ll happen but life is truly too short.

Old Post: Video: Facebook Breakups

One of my facebook friends posted this on her facebook and I thought I share it with you all. I feel a certain way about Social Networks & relationships seriously. It definitely does stir things up for many couples. I've seen it, & been there. Maybe not to the degree to what is portrayed in this video though.

Check it out, and let me know what your views are.

Old Post: What Do Relationship Titles Mean To You?

11/28?2010

I was listening to the Jia&Brook show and also checked out Jia's personal blog about this topic. And I think this is a great topic to discuss. Many women that I know want the title when being in a relationship and like it. Some people think titles aren't necessary as long as both people know where they stand. Everyone is different, but there should be a couple things that are taken in consideration.

In my opinion: I feel that titles give a better understanding what the relationship is & will better assist both parties, and give boundaries for OUTSIDERS. But if there aren't any titles, it's just essential that both people know what they want so things are clear, and then decide if you both feel the need to have or NOT have titles.

I'm interested in knowing what you all think before I go any further.
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Comments from the post

7 GlamDolls say:

Beautifully Educated said...

I'm against titles. Titles put too many expectations on people. I was once with someone with no title and once the title did present itself the relationship changed and it wasn't for the better. I believe that as long as both parties know what they're getting themselves into and they discuss what they want out of the relationship with no title everything will be smooth. Right now I am in a no title relationship and we talked about what the expectations are and we even talked about OUTSIDERS. Both parties need to be clear and understanding and not be afraid to ask questions. Communication is key!!! At the beginning I said at the moment, because I'm not ready for anything serious. I'm focused on my education and my money but I do get lonely lol. Once I have everything in order in my life then the title will be necessary. My motto is don't ask for no title you are not ready to uphold. If you know upfront that you don't have the time, energy, or capabilities to be in a relationship don't do it, to yourself or the other person.

November 28, 2010 7:43 PM 

Ashley said...

Do you think because there weren't titles in the beginning and later down the line titles were included & that changed everything? Almost like throwing the relationship for a loop? I think it's more so a mental thing. And I do think those who aren't in a serious relationship use the "No title" route more than those in serious relationships. I can relate to that.

November 28, 2010 8:32 PM 

Beautifully Educated said...

Yes, of course it changed everything.It is definitely a mental thing and it truly has to do with what both parties define as a relationship and what the expectations are. People talk about it but when it happens other things happen. Then men start thinking their girlfriends are their wives and some more stuff. They forget that each title has a different meaning and unless the communication is there tragedy will strike. And no lie even if the communication is there some men and women don't know how to compromise or just don't want to. Yes of course, because if your in a serious relationship you know that. Both parties have already defined the expectations. And those with "No Titles" aren't ready for that serious relationship.

November 28, 2010 9:09 PM 

Ashley said...

Not only does the meaning behind these titles make a difference, but I think what each party does in the relationship (going to back to "men start thinking their girlfriends are their wives") has a lot to do with the meaning of titles. Can females really get mad at the guy when she continues to do different things that "wives" only do? If people knew their duties/tasks when being in that relationship (whether there's a title or not)no one would expect or be mislead ya know? But then some of us are use to doing certain things even if everything all on the table. As I get older, and maybe from this discussion, titles and labels at times tend to make things a little complicated at times (For numerous reasons) the social norms & expectations to these titles. I don't want anyone expecting something more than what I choose to give. But then again, that goes back to communication. Many people lack that. We tend to run to our friends, family, and not talk about things face-to-face regarding our wants, needs, to our S/O. My main concern for titles is helping set boundaries for those in serious relationships.

November 28, 2010 9:31 PM 

makeupdeal said...

Titles meaning "gf", "wife", etc?

November 28, 2010 9:50 PM 

Ashley said...

Yes

November 28, 2010 10:07 PM 

Beautifully Educated said...

i just thought about a bomb song...its called No Definitions by Mario...it speaks on what you're talkin about

November 29, 2010 2:56 PM 

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Old Post: Social Networks Causing Issues in Romantic Relationships

8/24/2010

When being a part of social networks, it’s always been a concern of mines when dating. As technology advances and the many electronic gadgets are available, who wouldn’t want to be a part of the new trends?


I remember when Myspace was popular I heard about messy break-ups from others about how their boyfriend would send girls comments that were inappropriate.

Today Myspace isn’t so popular. We have Facebook and Twitter which are the main social sites to be a part of. You have people on Twitter twitpic’ing provocative pictures that anyone can view. And just because your mate may not be on Twitter or following you doesn’t mean it’s ok.

I asked our fellow readers to participate in a poll. Check out the results below:

I wasn’t surprised when I seen the results from the poll. I think it’s logical to know that social networks play a negative part in romantic relationships at times.

I won’t call myself a victim, but I’ve experienced a few situations where Myspace caused some issues in my past relationship. I think there are ways to avoid certain things that occur when being a part of social networks & you’re in a relationship, but one must take the appropriate steps to allow the turnout to be successful.

Set boundaries! I can’t stress this enough. If you know what your mate expects from you, you know what not to do. Anything after that & if you get caught you can’t say “I didn’t know”.

You don’t have to stalk each other’s pages to see what’s going on. If you feel the need to do that there’s some trust issues there. And if you don’t trust your partner (for whatever reason) then let them go.
I then asked our Twitter followers over at www.twitter.com/glamchicwithus  what were their views about this topic. It was somewhat of a touchy topic for some, which is understandable if you’ve experienced this before.

But here are a few of the responses:

@KeairaMonique Don’t get me started with that subject!

@pooda Easy access to the opposite sex….

I then asked @GlamChicWithus: @pooda true I agree. But why do you think that’s an issue?

@pooda @GlamChicWithUs it’s an issue bc you are opening the door for possibility- you’re “cheating with your thoughts”

@pooda it’s kinda like a crime of opportunity…they entertain just bc there’s someone to receive it.

Anonymous: I feel that males use social networks more than females as a way to talk to females. There is something called emotional cheating, and people confuse that with “being cool” with the opposite sex.

Thank you to the ladies that responded to the #GlamQuestion via Twitter. Be on the lookout for more #GlamQuestion.

I also would like to know what the rest of you think. Has this been an issue in a past or present relationship? Or why do you think this is or isn’t an issue. Share your opinion.